Laotze's Dialogues

Author: Laotze De Abreu

  • The need of renewing our goals

    Imagine being in a room blindfolded and asked to hit a target with darts.

    However, we don’t know where the target is.

    We try different approaches; throwing them all in the same direction hoping for them to reach their destiny, or changing the direction with each throw, wishing it would increase our chances.

    Despite our great effort and multiple strategies, we failed.

    It had nothing to do with skill. There was no target set.

    That is the very scenario we wish to avoid.

    There exist goals and motives within us. Why we do something determines everything; how we do it, the quality of our experience. However, it doesn’t suffice to know them at some point. Such knowledge needs renewal and to be questioned.

    Our reasons change; in quality, in quantity, in how we interact with them, thus the relevance of exploring ourselves and using doubt wisely as a tool.

    Our what and why

    Even if these go unnoticed, the object of our lust and the reasons behind it are present.

    What we want amounts to a particular something, while the why corresponds to the worth we see in it, both physical, as wealth or objects, and abstract, like security.

    More often than not, objects of desire are not straightforward; we would lust after a house, power, or a particular lifestyle because they symbolize something to us.

    There would be times when the path is a joy, and we are delighted to transit through. However, there would be times when our what and why are the only things preventing us from falling.

    Have we thought about such a delicate matter before?

    Where do our goals come from?

    Momentum

    At some point in our life, something was set in motion.

    From inside or outside, it does not matter, it came to settle; we made a routine, and objectives, molded ourselves to it, we had to.

    We were given a what and why.

    An identity emerged.

    For good or bad, there is an inherent force that keeps us in our habits, even if slow changes are building on in the background. Such changes could become so significant, and the strength of the momentum is so great, that dissonance appears; a feeling of internal conflict, the ideal in contrast to what is, a war within ourselves, you against you.

    As with any conflict, we can be caught off guard, but it is seldom created out of nowhere.

    Some people can simply ignore it, for others, the noise is not so easily muffled. For the latter, something must be done. Thus the need to rediscover ourselves.

    And that is where we begin to be.

    An exploration of the self

    The wrong assumption that we know ourselves can be present since sticking to what we know is easier than rediscovering ourselves every day.

    The small and unnoticed growth is what may surprise us one day.

    How fortunate the person who recognizes how fluid the self can be, who pays attention to each moment, doesn’t lock herself in a box, and devotes some time to let herself be.

    Such consideration doesn’t have to be burdensome nor time-consuming, where we scrutinize the very fabric of ourselves.

    We could dare to try that fruit we did not like, surprise ourselves with something we couldn’t conceive before, or discover new hobbies, passions, music, books, ideas, and whatnot.

    But, we must be brave enough to doubt.

    Doubt as a tool

    Many of the most powerful tools can be as good as bad, the same can be said about doubt. To explore our what and why we need to question ourselves and what we know.

    Perhaps we have the supposition that the first time we do something should feel smooth or natural, or else we “don’t have it”, or presume the rain to be bad because it prevents us from going outside.

    Certain ideas are limiting or destructive.

    To doubt is equivalent, in a sense, to recognize alternatives, and question the validity of the one we currently use. We must hone the criteria for choosing the right option.

    There are better ways to act, traits to pursue, and things we ignore.There must exist the willingness to be wrong if we want to be better.

    There are other ways in which doubt is ruinous, when we need as much strength as we can gather or an idea or belief is being tested.

    We must doubt only when is appropriate.

    Reflect on where you are going

    Getting to a place may be difficult, especially when we don’t know where it is. We may be in the very place and not be able to recognize it.

    How far can we go without knowing where we want to be?

    Goals and the underlying motives, whether we lost sight of them, there was never one to begin with, or they are given rather than created, mold the way we interact with the world.

    Wherever our momentum may have taken us may or may not be right. However, when we embark on the exploration of our being, it falls upon us to question our reasoning and take action accordingly.

    So doubt; the goals, the reasons, verify that the foundation is solid.

    But be careful of your doubt.

  • The best of ourselves

    Giving the best of ourselves is not always what we want to do.

    There is a distorted idea of effort that propels us to push ourselves to unreasonable extents. How can we finish a book monthly when we can’t read a page daily?

    The reality is if we don’t look at such landmarks for what they are, a vision or a goal rather than an immediate action or a metric to judge ourselves, we won’t be able to celebrate the tiny everyday victories or we will feel discouraged at being so far in comparison.

    We need to understand giving the best of ourselves is not about other people or pushing ourselves mindlessly.

    What is at risk is not getting where we want to be, or even worse, not enjoying the path along the way.

    A toxic notion of effort

    We have to do eighty push-ups right after waking up, study for eight hours straight, then work for 14 hours.

    Oh, don’t forget the workout.

    If we can’t meet such criteria, we must be doing something wrong.

    The issue with this particular line of thinking is not the exaggeration of the example, nor our capacity to accomplish such feats, but ignoring that development works by small progressive improvements.

    Achievements or goals could be used as inspiration, lessons, or marks that we will surpass one day. The appeal of expanding our horizons or having high standards is undeniable.

    However, giving the best of ourselves goes beyond doing a certain amount of reps, or sticking to a book for hours.

    An admirable example

    There is a man who goes to the outdoor gym often.

    He looks his years; gray hair, quite slim, always wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and shoes not meant to workout.

    What stands out is not the technique for his push-ups, nor the amount of reps, indeed we can observe his obvious struggle against gravity. What shines is his will to do his part.

    It would make no sense for him to compare himself against his peers in terms of resistance or strength. His focus is on being constant and pushing his limits further each day. He measures himself against his past self.

    In him we can find a clue as to what it means to give the best of ourselves; knowing our limits and trying to expand them.

    Our dynamic limitations

    A limit is the maximum amount of something; the amount of time we can spend reading, reps of some exercise, or information we can process in a given time.

    However, limits are not static. They can be expanded or contracted, depending on whether we push them.

    Limits represent imaginary lines that could serve as an indicator of our progress. If we can do only 10 push-ups, we aim for 11. If we can only concentrate on a text for 5 minutes, we aim for 10. In such a fashion, we will stretch this mental line.

    Limits may be set wrongly in our minds, however. We are capable of much more than we believe. There lies the importance of knowing ourselves.

    The only way to discover where our true limitations are is by experimentation. We need to check if we need more or less weight.

    The actual definition

    Such an effort is trying to go over that line every time, notice that little progress, and try to surpass it the next day.

    But giving the best of ourselves means more than that.

    Some day we will not exceed the line, so our objective should be the line.

    Some days we will not reach the line, so our objective should be going as close as we can to that mark.

    Some days we won’t have time, nor mental strength, despite this we keep giving all we have, as little as it may be.

    As described in “Make any activity an immersive experience”, we need to pour ourselves into the task.

    We need to give the best of ourselves

    There are factors we do not control; genetics, circumstances, materials, and whatnot.

    But giving the best of ourselves is one of the things we have control over.

    That is what the man at the outdoor gym inspires; it doesn’t matter our current level on anything, if we do the best we can each time, and try to surpass our current limitations, we are bound to thrive.

    But, such a thing does not happen by itself. We will need self-knowledge to tell when to push ourselves further, or when to be kind, have a tighter or a looser grip, recognize our true limits, and expand them.

    The process implies a conscious effort and documentation of our journey.

  • The Value of Time

    Everyone has felt the longing for more time.

    To finish reading, cook, play, or anything we could not fit into our schedule.

    There are two ends to this spectrum.

    On the one hand, we have the kind of person who slacks; “There will be plenty of time in the future”, then the future comes, and we realize our error.

    On the other hand, someone tries as hard as he can to pack into a single hour the impossible, to control every variable possible. He may be said to use as much time as he has, but how much is enjoyed?

    The perception of time becomes the problem because we don’t know how much is left available, or trying to squeeze every last second defeats its purpose. What is at risk is the misuse of a resource we can’t get back.

    The Slacker Archetype

    There are plenty of comforts; a warm couch, an endless feed of images and videos tailored to ourselves, a vast source of information about anything and everything, the internet, so any question or curiosity can be extinguished almost immediately.

    Then we have the thing we need to get done; we recognize there is something of value for us in it, but it requires effort. If we consider time abundant, we could struggle later, right?

    So we choose comfort. We keep choosing comfort until we realize there is no time left. The opportunity may be still within reach, or forever lost.

    The problem is an unrealistic perception of how much time we have.

    The Workaholic Archetype

    Such a character’s focus is on what is next, living in a future that has to come but it’s not present yet.

    We hope for the most convenient scenario so that our tasks are not impeded; no traffic, no rain, no noise, and concentration must be at its peak.

    It is dark outside, but the to-do list is far from over.

    It follows a feeling of not meeting a certain quota.

    The problem is an unrealistic perception of how much can be accomplished within a time frame.

    Inevitably, if we rush a cake it will be charred.

    Rejecting the idea of such limitation prevents us from preparing for the conditions we have to work with. We will have to prioritize some tasks and discard others.

    The Interception

    One approach is too loose, the other is too tight.

    These seeming opposites converge into one mistake; a wrong perception of time.

    The first believes time will never run out, or doesn’t think about time at all, so actions don’t have any weight.

    The other, while having admirable traits like tenacity or discipline, is prone to burnout. Time is regarded as scarce, but what if in the process to make the most of our time, we set ourselves a pace we can’t sustain? How much our ability to enjoy life is affected?

    Comfort and effort are no evils. Awareness of what our actions cause is what must catch our attention. In both ends of the spectrum we will find consequences if taken to the extremes.

    Consider time as a limited resource

    Time, like a sane mind, is invaluable.

    As so happens with many things in life, we fail to realize the value of something until it is no longer within our grasp.

    Should we then wait for wrinkles and gray hair to appear before we become aware of the passing of time?

    Old age is a symptom of time lived, not time left.

    Life is unexpected, beautiful yet fragile. There is no way to assess time, so we are left with the doubt of how much there is. We could make plans and arrangements, but usually, it does not go our way.

    Under such light we should ask ourselves, how are we using time? Is this how we would like to spend it?

    Take a side

    This is a call for considering the value, and observing our use of time.

    The reality of our allotted time is harsh only because we decide to elude that fact, but it does not make it less natural. Such a notion is around us.

    We see bright flowers blooming where none were before, watch them grow, and extend their petals toward the light. Then one day we discover signs of decay, the intense golden color becomes brownish, and the petals fall. And now there is none where there was something before.

    It can be a moment of panic at such an idea, and we may flee and forget about the discussion. Or it can be the moment when we try to savor each second to the fullest, perhaps not at once but each day become more comfortable with the idea of our humanity.