Laotze's Dialogues

Tag: English

  • The best of ourselves

    Giving the best of ourselves is not always what we want to do.

    There is a distorted idea of effort that propels us to push ourselves to unreasonable extents. How can we finish a book monthly when we can’t read a page daily?

    The reality is if we don’t look at such landmarks for what they are, a vision or a goal rather than an immediate action or a metric to judge ourselves, we won’t be able to celebrate the tiny everyday victories or we will feel discouraged at being so far in comparison.

    We need to understand giving the best of ourselves is not about other people or pushing ourselves mindlessly.

    What is at risk is not getting where we want to be, or even worse, not enjoying the path along the way.

    A toxic notion of effort

    We have to do eighty push-ups right after waking up, study for eight hours straight, then work for 14 hours.

    Oh, don’t forget the workout.

    If we can’t meet such criteria, we must be doing something wrong.

    The issue with this particular line of thinking is not the exaggeration of the example, nor our capacity to accomplish such feats, but ignoring that development works by small progressive improvements.

    Achievements or goals could be used as inspiration, lessons, or marks that we will surpass one day. The appeal of expanding our horizons or having high standards is undeniable.

    However, giving the best of ourselves goes beyond doing a certain amount of reps, or sticking to a book for hours.

    An admirable example

    There is a man who goes to the outdoor gym often.

    He looks his years; gray hair, quite slim, always wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and shoes not meant to workout.

    What stands out is not the technique for his push-ups, nor the amount of reps, indeed we can observe his obvious struggle against gravity. What shines is his will to do his part.

    It would make no sense for him to compare himself against his peers in terms of resistance or strength. His focus is on being constant and pushing his limits further each day. He measures himself against his past self.

    In him we can find a clue as to what it means to give the best of ourselves; knowing our limits and trying to expand them.

    Our dynamic limitations

    A limit is the maximum amount of something; the amount of time we can spend reading, reps of some exercise, or information we can process in a given time.

    However, limits are not static. They can be expanded or contracted, depending on whether we push them.

    Limits represent imaginary lines that could serve as an indicator of our progress. If we can do only 10 push-ups, we aim for 11. If we can only concentrate on a text for 5 minutes, we aim for 10. In such a fashion, we will stretch this mental line.

    Limits may be set wrongly in our minds, however. We are capable of much more than we believe. There lies the importance of knowing ourselves.

    The only way to discover where our true limitations are is by experimentation. We need to check if we need more or less weight.

    The actual definition

    Such an effort is trying to go over that line every time, notice that little progress, and try to surpass it the next day.

    But giving the best of ourselves means more than that.

    Some day we will not exceed the line, so our objective should be the line.

    Some days we will not reach the line, so our objective should be going as close as we can to that mark.

    Some days we won’t have time, nor mental strength, despite this we keep giving all we have, as little as it may be.

    As described in “Make any activity an immersive experience”, we need to pour ourselves into the task.

    We need to give the best of ourselves

    There are factors we do not control; genetics, circumstances, materials, and whatnot.

    But giving the best of ourselves is one of the things we have control over.

    That is what the man at the outdoor gym inspires; it doesn’t matter our current level on anything, if we do the best we can each time, and try to surpass our current limitations, we are bound to thrive.

    But, such a thing does not happen by itself. We will need self-knowledge to tell when to push ourselves further, or when to be kind, have a tighter or a looser grip, recognize our true limits, and expand them.

    The process implies a conscious effort and documentation of our journey.

  • The Value of Time

    Everyone has felt the longing for more time.

    To finish reading, cook, play, or anything we could not fit into our schedule.

    There are two ends to this spectrum.

    On the one hand, we have the kind of person who slacks; “There will be plenty of time in the future”, then the future comes, and we realize our error.

    On the other hand, someone tries as hard as he can to pack into a single hour the impossible, to control every variable possible. He may be said to use as much time as he has, but how much is enjoyed?

    The perception of time becomes the problem because we don’t know how much is left available, or trying to squeeze every last second defeats its purpose. What is at risk is the misuse of a resource we can’t get back.

    The Slacker Archetype

    There are plenty of comforts; a warm couch, an endless feed of images and videos tailored to ourselves, a vast source of information about anything and everything, the internet, so any question or curiosity can be extinguished almost immediately.

    Then we have the thing we need to get done; we recognize there is something of value for us in it, but it requires effort. If we consider time abundant, we could struggle later, right?

    So we choose comfort. We keep choosing comfort until we realize there is no time left. The opportunity may be still within reach, or forever lost.

    The problem is an unrealistic perception of how much time we have.

    The Workaholic Archetype

    Such a character’s focus is on what is next, living in a future that has to come but it’s not present yet.

    We hope for the most convenient scenario so that our tasks are not impeded; no traffic, no rain, no noise, and concentration must be at its peak.

    It is dark outside, but the to-do list is far from over.

    It follows a feeling of not meeting a certain quota.

    The problem is an unrealistic perception of how much can be accomplished within a time frame.

    Inevitably, if we rush a cake it will be charred.

    Rejecting the idea of such limitation prevents us from preparing for the conditions we have to work with. We will have to prioritize some tasks and discard others.

    The Interception

    One approach is too loose, the other is too tight.

    These seeming opposites converge into one mistake; a wrong perception of time.

    The first believes time will never run out, or doesn’t think about time at all, so actions don’t have any weight.

    The other, while having admirable traits like tenacity or discipline, is prone to burnout. Time is regarded as scarce, but what if in the process to make the most of our time, we set ourselves a pace we can’t sustain? How much our ability to enjoy life is affected?

    Comfort and effort are no evils. Awareness of what our actions cause is what must catch our attention. In both ends of the spectrum we will find consequences if taken to the extremes.

    Consider time as a limited resource

    Time, like a sane mind, is invaluable.

    As so happens with many things in life, we fail to realize the value of something until it is no longer within our grasp.

    Should we then wait for wrinkles and gray hair to appear before we become aware of the passing of time?

    Old age is a symptom of time lived, not time left.

    Life is unexpected, beautiful yet fragile. There is no way to assess time, so we are left with the doubt of how much there is. We could make plans and arrangements, but usually, it does not go our way.

    Under such light we should ask ourselves, how are we using time? Is this how we would like to spend it?

    Take a side

    This is a call for considering the value, and observing our use of time.

    The reality of our allotted time is harsh only because we decide to elude that fact, but it does not make it less natural. Such a notion is around us.

    We see bright flowers blooming where none were before, watch them grow, and extend their petals toward the light. Then one day we discover signs of decay, the intense golden color becomes brownish, and the petals fall. And now there is none where there was something before.

    It can be a moment of panic at such an idea, and we may flee and forget about the discussion. Or it can be the moment when we try to savor each second to the fullest, perhaps not at once but each day become more comfortable with the idea of our humanity.

  • Make any activity an immersive experience

    Picture an athlete or a musician, and how these may be absorbed in their respective activities.

    The rest of the world seems to pale in front of what they are doing. For them, there is nothing else; how diligent and passionate their performance is.

    Whereas the world has many fields, rules, exceptions, and whatnot, we create in our particular activity a dimension of our own; the playfield is smaller, some clear rules and boundaries make it more conquerable, and the sensation of mastery is closer.

    What if we could replicate such an experience with common, or less artistic activities? By understanding what immersive activities have in common, we can accomplish this.

    External conditions

    The immersive activity is characterized by a lack of distractions, and clear objectives, rules, and feedback.

    The absence of buzzing notifications and a quiet environment allows our attention to be solely directed to the action, thus avoiding the giant toll that switching tasks has on us.

    On the other hand, in immersive activities, we have a concrete idea of what we desire to accomplish, how to do it, and receive direct indicators of whether it has been done correctly.

    A gymnast has the objective of doing acrobatics, through a coach or self-learning, she knows the theory of how the movement should be done, and finally, she receives immediate feedback on her practice when she falls or succeeds in her landing.

    Internal conditions

    There are also changes in ourselves with immersive activities; There is no internal noise, time seems to go faster, and the difficulty is set perfectly to our skill.

    Internal noise is different than the external; worries, thoughts, doubts, everything vanishes. It is exactly what I meant in “‘Everything is boring’, we think wrongly”, we get out of our way. We would not find “a gymnast” and “a leap” separated, they merge into one, and there is no distinction.

    In the same way, time seems to disappear as well; hours of training and sore muscles seem like nothing.

    Finally, our gymnast would perform acrobatics according to her level. She adapts her routine so that it is not big enough to be daunting, or small to be boring, just enough to represent a challenge. This implies the need to constantly balance the difficulty we experience.

    Not everything will feel magical

    Until now, these absorbing activities are fantastic; the world they provide is unique for each of us, and the sensation of execution is sublime. However, negative experiences are also part of them.

    Our gymnast will have to go through the inherent hardships of her art: the frustration of not accomplishing a posture, injuries, or having to focus on less exciting aspects such as nutrition or resting.

    When we become aware of this, instead of being a hindrance, we find relief. Hardships are not necessarily an indicator of something wrong with us or the activity, but part of the process. There will be ups and downs. Some may have the fortune to enjoy obstacles. Our gymnast may recognize a fall as a priceless opportunity for growth.

    Convert what you do in an absorbing activity

    Take your particular action, even if it is not artistic, try to recognize the inherent characteristics of an absorbing activity, and imitate them.

    • Do you have a clear what and how?
    • Do you understand the rules of the game you are playing?
    • Are you learning from the feedback the world is giving you?
    • Are you free of noise? The internal swarm of thoughts in your head as much as the myriad forces that tear apart from every angle your attention.
    • Can you tell when something is too hard, or easy, and adjust the difficulty accordingly?

    Focus on just one at a time. In this way, we can enjoy more the activity and be more effective.