Laotze's Dialogues

Tag: peace of mind

  • Change can be scary, exciting, or simply be

    We can be too distracted with what may be, what is not, and what should be, that we fail to see what is and what is becoming.

    Everything changes. The realization comes easier when the regular flow of our lives is disrupted: a goodbye, a disaster, or the end of a cycle. For me, it comes in the form of a graduation, gazing into my mother’s salt-and-pepper hair, the observation of a flower blooming, then withering, and finally being replaced by a new bud weeks later.

    Our perspective of change is one of the few things we have control over. When we consider change and how fragile what surrounds us is, fear is a natural reaction. However, it could also bring experiences that go beyond our imagination; change could also be exciting. Our perspective can surpass our personal bias, leaving aside what would be good or bad for us, enabling us to reach a deeper understanding of change and to make better decisions.

    Change can be scary

    We can see how frightening change can be when we consider how its outcome does not even resemble the idea we had, how our grasp fail to dictate exactly the path it takes, and specially how fragile is what surrounds us, like the presence of people in our lives, what we do and the means to do it, the skill and the time.

    At the mere hint of change, we may be tempted to hold fast to what we fear losing; however, there is a better alternative than succumbing to it. We use that powerful emotion as a reminder of how much it matters to us, as an opportunity to feel fortunate that we still enjoy its presence and can make the most of it.

    We’ve built a sand castle, but the waves start to clash against our walls. We may persist and try to hold our towers; however, the tide is rising. It isn’t madness wanting our work and effort to remain, but going against the sea.

    Change can be exciting

    We can look at the other end of the spectrum; change can also be exciting.

    Change keeps its course, and still we can fail to predict its outcome. But this randomness can be something we look for. Change can present us with experiences that we could have never conceived, a growth we could have never obtained otherwise, a side of the world and ourselves we have never believed existed.

    If we were to stay within our shell, we would see nothing. It is change that puts our world upside down and demands that we make use of what we have.

    Yes, we may not have the same sand castle. But we can always rebuild. We have the opportunity to choose a better terrain, pick an innovative style, or decide we want a completely different structure.

    Change can be simply change

    We can see change beyond ourselves, not just in relation to us, or how they may represent a benefit or a loss.

    There is fickleness in how we regard good and bad. How quickly the bad turns to good when it happens to benefit us in the long run, so we are sour, angry, or sad until we aren’t, and the same happens to the good.

    Whether from fear or desire, we can be overwhelmed by what may be, what is not, and what we think it should be. At those times, we could use the clarity that comes from looking at change beyond ourselves.

    So, we should leave aside momentarily what we would like or dislike, how it would impact us, and concern ourselves with what happened, why, and how, and the answers may have nothing to do with us.

    We obtain a deeper understanding of the nature of what we have at hand, and we are more prepared to decide how to act.

    The sea just was being the sea; the tide rose, the waves clashed, the currents kept their momentum. Our sand castle happened to be there.

    Get familiar with the idea of change

    We must get familiar with the idea of change and be aware of our perspective on it.

    We don’t have to wait for a disruption in our regular life to appreciate change; do a constant effort to notice tiny changes, contrast brand new objects with the ones that have experience the passing of time, observe the growth of other people and your own, see how your paths drift apart or come together, consider the absence of what now may be gone.

    Our perspective on change is one of the few aspects we have control over, whether it is scary, exciting, or just a matter of being. When we heed our emotions, the pressing fear or the excitement for the future, they show us what matters to us and guide our actions from different perspectives. By looking at things just the way they are, we acquire a more objective understanding and clear our judgment. With both, we are more prepared to navigate change.

    What the sea has taken is gone. It falls into our hands what to do next. We hear different counsels and decide.

  • Soundness of mind inspired by shoes

    We overlook shoes, but they keep us from the unknown hardships of our surroundings, from the unexpected.

    When we stop to consider their function, we can’t help but wonder, where are the shoes for our minds?

    The menace such a garment will shield us from doesn’t scratch at our skin nor cause blisters. The threats are more subtle, which makes them all the more perilous.

    Seemingly mundane object

    We put them on daily without much thinking, and we take them for granted. However, shoes are a way to explore the world without worrying about all the difficulties that lie ahead.

    The antagonist does not matter; spikes, rocks, animals, mud, sand, or water. We are going to be well-protected.

    What madness would be pretending to break every stone, flattening every hill, drying every puddle, to take a stroll.

    What if we apply the concept of a shoe to more abstract foes?

    Mental shoes

    The mind has its perils.

    Fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, rumination, desires, traps naturally created by the world, and the ones we are the very authors of.

    If flattening every hill sounded mad, what could we make of extinguishing every desire? Isn’t it foolish to never feel fright?

    Our answer lies in shoes. Instead of protection from physical harm, mental shoes would make sure that whatever we happen to come across, we surmount it.

    An admirable mind

    The practical equivalent of mental shoes would be a sound mind.

    By no means will such a mind be exempt from defeat, but it is resilient.

    It is prone to sickness, but it is always on the lookout for a cure.

    When drowning, it learns to swim by necessity.

    It will burn alive, but it comes back from the ashes.

    When lost, it knows how to find itself.

    Despite any puddle, hill, rock, or spike, it adapts. We must develop this soundness. Our predictions are as concise as our claims as to where lightning will strike next. We can’t be certain, nor do we have to. The only way is to equip ourselves and learn as we go.

    Being our designers and tailors

    Each of us has a different nature, blessings, and curses.

    To live, we will need different traits. Some of us will have to toughen up, others to become soft. As we lack the option to buy a brand new mind, we will have to be designers of our own, the ones who make the stitches, the ones who say if it’s a right or wrong fit.

    We will draw inspiration from authors, films, people, experiences, stories, and anything else we find meaningful. We have our lifetime to pull ideas from and grow.

    Ultimately, the responsibility of being well-equipped and up to the challenge lies with us.

  • Falling in love with mistakes

    I’d like us to discuss mistakes, which we may regard as common, but also as stepping stones on our path to achieving our goals.

    However, what about those moments when the perceived danger of failing is paralyzing and renders our actions dissonant?

    On those occasions, I admit it is difficult to conceive the idea of falling in love with them.

    Then I’m going to examine our options, facing our tendency toward errors, or ignoring it—the choice, as much as the consequences are ours. As important as such a topic is, we should consider being kinder toward ourselves the times things produce an unintentional result.

    I believe you would agree if I say that errors are necessary, that they represent the foundation of our progress, the building blocks that draw us closer to perfection, even if it is only an ideal.

    So, we learn that if we use too much heat, we will burn the meat; too much water on plants would drown them, too little and they would wither.

    We adjust whatever we happen to be doing.

    Granting we are on the same page regarding errors, I find it troubling that we may not apply such ideas when it comes to things that we care about.

    We may hide them, bury them, try to make them disappear. Like an awful wound, we flinch instinctively at the mere thought of anything touching the cut.

    Then I ask myself, how are we supposed to learn?

    We have options.

    We could avoid such pain by any preferred means, but we would risk falling into the same mistakes again and missing all its beauty when we turn our backs.

    In trying to make the lurking shadows disappear, we would extinguish the light, and everything would be darkness.

    Another option is to have courage. The valor to accept that what is done is done, that there is no way we could have done it differently, and with such a nagging reality accept our proness to mistakes.

    I know that what we have in our hands is a matter of great importance; what we feel when we fail is proof enough of that. But I’d like us to explore the possibility that we may not have to be that severe.

    What if we approach this more like a playground, than a battlefield?

    When thrust with an imaginary sword, grunt, go to the ground, and make your best performance. When the game is off, you can get up unharmed. I know that it may seem like a real wound, but the more we practice the easier it gets to perform, and the less scary to be wrong.

    The ideal we should strive for would be falling in love with our errors.

    They are the very reason for our growth, someday they will be the source of laughter and joy, a way to give an example to someone very dear to us, they may take us to places we never imagined, and they may yield results we never conceived.

    The mistakes, and more importantly what we do with them, are part of who we are. Thus, I’d like us to get to work.

    Do it.

    Do it more.

    Do it better.

    Fail.

    Fail better.